Life Is Turbulent and So Am I - My Career Saga and how to just ride the waves

Hello. Welcome back to The Lounge. It’s been awhile. Things have been rough for me but that’s okay. Well, no it isn’t. I’m not okay. I got diagnosed with sleep apnea and I am so very tired. But that’s just the minor details of what has happened this year.

I’ve been debating releasing a “statement” on this year so far because it’s been a doozy. I turn 25 in less than a month (like two weeks). I’ve failed the mechanical PE exam twice, switched careers (3) times, and have just been in a state of dissaray.

I didn’t think it was possible to feel like a chronic disaster - a chronic mess. A mistake of sorts. But I feel that way. Even with things seemingly heading in my direction, I still feel lost and confused.

I started this year at a new job that i worked at for (4) days before it was mutually agreed that I should leave. I then worked at another company (I won’t be naming either of these) for three months before having to leave for mental health reasons.

Which kinda ties into the month of “Leah” a dedication to me dedicating time to me. I’m not sure how it’s gonna go, I’m inherently a people pleaser and breaking those ties has taken months of therapy and medication and it still isn’t going well. But I’m trying!

I’m at a new job that I really like, with great coworkers, a great manager, and work that I really enjoy. So I should be happy right? Everything has fallen into place career wise so that means everything else should just be perfect.

Idealist, right? Yeah I’m not quite there yet.

I have two kittens that are adorable and a partner that loves and supports me. Why am I not happy?

There’s some things that are just beyond everything seemingly being okay. I’m still not getting the proper rest I need so that’s a missing piece. I feel tired and fatigued a lot. I’m kinda putting a lot of worth into getting sleep apnea seemingly solved so that way everything else feels a bit better.

This post isn’t really funny and I don’t plan on sharing it with social media. You have to find this post by checking the Lounge routinely or if email subs are somehow working idk if they are. Regardless, thank you for reading. I want to be funny and be myself but it sometimes hurts to try. This isn’t a cry for help or anything, I have a strong support network, but it’s more awareness of that I am not okay but I want to be and I’m willing to put in the effort.

I usually have comments on but they’re off today. This is more of a diary post than anything, something The Lounge always silently is. A diary, a love letter, a place for reflection. And right now I’m not okay. But someday I hope I am.