To Spell or To Bees or To Be or To Spells
Welcome to The Lounge probably, have a sit-down and let's chat. What's going on today? I've had complaints of people not receiving email updates, which is very interesting because:
1) it implies that you don’t have my blog set as your homepage, and check is constantly every five seconds
2) it implies that I have messed up the email settings entirely and spent 20 minutes fiddling with them in order to get them right
Both are unfortunate, but they should be fixed. Or not. Whatever.
I am currently plagued by memories and regrets, as all people are. Currently, though, my mind is taken back to the obsession with fixing people's grammar on Facebook.
Oh boy, was I a perpetrator of this crime. I would correct people’s spelling, how dare you use your incorrectly, your the worst. I did that on a Harry Potter fan page in approximately probably 2012 and I was brutally ripped to shreds by another person because I used of instead of have or something
I replied "I appreciate you correcting me" as they said I was a hypocrite for correcting someone’s grammar and me personally making a mistake. I then calmly hid in the closet and sobbed at my own stupidity. Hubris is the worst brand of laundry detergent.
Admittedly my grammar and spelling have decayed, which is why I have the very judgemental Grammarly to watch over me with keen, sad eyes, appalled at my inabilities.
I was decent at spelling I suppose. I think in like 7th grade we did the spelling bee thing where we went around the room to see who would represent us in the seventh grade "bee" (as wee in the biz call it). Then that person would go on to face the other schools at the county or something I obviously never made it that far.
Alas, I had some brutal skin in the game. My older sister won the spellin' (as we in the biz call it) as a fourth-grader against a fifth-grader. The upset of the century at KES. A teacher told me at lunch and I remember being so excited. But on another level, I was horrified. I was seething. I wanted to win the spelling bee.
It's in a similar fashion to my older sister winning the Daughters of the American Revolution contest thing and me throwing up after seeing Shrek 3 out of pure jealousy. Maybe it was out hatred of Shrek 3. But how could I hate it? Justin Timberlake played Artie. For some reason.
So at the seventh grade SB (as we in the biz call it) audition essentially, we went around the room and the word that messed everyone up was the word that represents the thing that picks debris from the ground and makes a noise like ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Like a Roomba but old. A tall machine that eats ground dirt.
Vacume *WRONG*
Vacuuummt *WRONG*
Vaceume *WRONG*
Vacuum *CORRECT*
What a betrayal that was, for I was not the person who spelled it correctly, nor do I remember my version of it. My hopes of ever being in the Bee de Spelling (as we in the biz do not call it) were crushed, because I guess eighth-graders were too old to be challenged by a spelling bee.
Anyway, I propose the following: Adult Spelling Bees. Can you spell anything? Me? Absolutely not. I'm sure some bitter people will claim it is due to our dependence on spelling helpers (the red squiggly of shame) or autocorrect. And as I explain with nearly everything, it's not due to any reliance on anything, it's due to incompetence.
The Adult Spelling Bee would happen at a bar. After approximately 3.5 IPAs I would attempt to spell dog. It would go poorly because I would think I was being funny by spelling it like dawg. I am comedy gold after all. And then it would occur, I would be pelleted with beer cans and an entire box of fried chicken someone decided to bring to a bar. Hubris is my least favorite version of honey mustard.
On the subject of attempting jokes, I was going to spell about everything wrong in this post but decided against it. Grammarly is far too judgemental. Also, adult spelling bees are a horrible idea. I would never participate in one.
In the fourth paragraph, I included the word perpetrator. I have no idea how, but during my first draft, this is the word I came up with:
Perpretrature
I think the next two posts will be in The Kitchen in collaboration with seeyaloserbaking which is also me. Bread is a draft title I wrote, and I included absolutely no further content or information so I'm going to attempt to do an old fashioned Brain Blast and dig deep into the archives to figure out what I meant by 'bread'. The Lounge has been comfortable for a while now. But I probably need to stand up. You can stay here still, and I'll bring you some baked goods from The Kitchen. It may take me a while though, so get comfortable. It may take days. Good luck, there's no food in here. Just a lukewarm diet coke and enough cold brew to last me around 2 days, approximately 5 gallons.
Thanks for coming back lovelies, and I look forward to seeing you again.
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no caption needed