My First Review: A Sonic Diet Coke

Welcome to The Garage, a special place where I review items from Sonic. I hope I don’t go through the entire menu. Like God, I really hope I don’t go through the whole menu. But I might. The Future Is Not Bright.

On the subject of Sonic, I saw the Sonic movie recently and it was an incredible 90-ish minutes. I was reborn several times. My favorite quote is definitely the following exchange:

Dr. Robotnik, Jim Carrey, Incredible: I was spitting out formulas when you were still spitting out formula

Donut Lord, I forget his actual name: Actually I was breastfed

Dr. Robotnik: Ouch, I was an orphan (paraphrased)

Another fantastic part was when the main dude was able to say, “This is my friend, Sonic.” I wish that was me. I want Sonic to be my friend. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. It hurts that it won’t happen. There was a post-credit scene, a la Marvel. They’re forming a Sonic Cinematic Universe (SCU).

My main complaint with the Sonic movie was definitely, definitely that I really liked the movie. That was my issue. Sonic flossed, he got in a bar fight, there were parts where I did laugh out loud. There was a Minions style flatulence joke that was next level. The Minions could NEVER.

There was a preview for the new Minions movie (yeah we’re still going with those. Gru is a youngin trying to join the league of supervillains or whatever, and one of them is a nun whose weapon is nunchucks. I hate that I enjoyed it.

Okay, as I was typing out Gru, Grammarly gave me the spelling suggestion of a lifetime. The image is to the right. Please ponder at your convenience

Sonic flossed on a racecar bed. Dr. Robotnik had a handsome assistant and they had some incredible exchanges. Overall, the movie was probably 50x better than my expectations, and I think it’s a worthwhile watch on 5 dollar movie day or when it comes out on Redbox.

There are so many implications.

Oh, I lost the plot, Sonic Diet Cokes match up to any other Diet Coke, and if you use the app you get all-day happy hour (half-priced drinks when you order ahead) so it makes it a decent deal, usually shorter wait times than McDonald’s and they have a size above the large (a Route 44, an absolute unit).

Sonic and Diet Coke and Sonic the Movie please sponsor me.